This Week in Housekeeping: MAGA in Triage
Elon’s Viral Implosion, Loomer Sues Maher for $150 Million, Bethenny Frankel in a G-String, Evidence of a Fifth 9/11 Plane, and What Montecito Locals Are Say
Phew. WHAT. A. Week.
I’m still trying to catch my breath.
In this week’s roundup we’re unpacking everything from Angelina Jolie’s birthday and Loomer’s lawsuit, to the OG Birkin bag hitting the auction block, Montecito gossip, and a new 9/11 conspiracy theory making the rounds.
But before we dive into the flaming wreckage of current events, I want to take a moment—in honor of Pride Month—to thank the gays. Specifically, the sweet, sophisticated men who show up here week after week and get me in a way no other demographic really does.
The beauty is in the unspoken. Scorpio tendencies transcend party lines. With the gays, it’s magnetic. Bipartisan. On my darkest days, I’m prone to pause and remind myself: at least they get it. And by “it,” I mean me—my goals, my visions, my temperamental faults.
I see you. I love you. I appreciate you.
Now Then:
We’ve officially entered peak Gemini season, and the timing of catastrophe couldn’t be more on the nose. Are we witnessing Zodiac chaos in full force? The past 24 hours delivered a flamboyantly theatrical display of masculine rage, with competing egos hurling insults across the digital battlefield. It’s a terrible look for the country—but really, really good content for people like me.
So far, it doesn’t seem to be letting up.
GROK SAYS: “A Cancer man with a Gemini man is a wild mix of water and air—emotional tides colliding with mental whirlwinds. Cancer is ruled by the Moon: sensitive, loyal, and protective. He craves emotional depth, stability, and connection. Gemini, ruled by Mercury, is curious, fast-talking, and always on the move—he thrives on stimulation, variety, and independence. Their communication styles clash: Gemini prefers banter and debate, while Cancer seeks vulnerability and emotional honesty. Cancer may find Gemini inconsistent or evasive, while Gemini might feel suffocated by Cancer’s need for reassurance. Still, they can learn from each other. Cancer teaches Gemini how to slow down and connect more deeply; Gemini helps Cancer lighten up and not take every emotion so seriously. At best, they balance one another—Cancer grounding Gemini’s chaos, Gemini bringing sparkle and levity to Cancer’s depth. At worst, it’s a cycle of emotional withdrawal and misread intentions. If romantic, the connection can be passionate but volatile. As friends, they’re the odd couple who secretly adore each other. In business, Gemini dreams it up while Cancer gets it done—assuming they don’t implode first.”
Yesterday’s Blow-Up
Between the richest and most powerful men on the planet hit our timeline like a missile. A pin-drop moment in time. Naturally, it happened just after I announced I’d be signing off for a few days of offline family time.
Earlier that day, my MAGA group chat was still laughing it off. At that point, it looked like a mild sulk. Elon had hurt feelings. We assumed it would blow over the way these things usually do. The tension over the bill was already known. Elon wasn’t a fan—he’d admitted it in primetime confessionals and looked visibly uncomfortable in the weeks leading up to that bizarre Oval Office sendoff, where he loomed behind the president with a black eye blamed on X and the demeanor of someone who took an edible too early.
He’s an autistic extraterrestrial, clearly dealing with a lot. We typically grant him grace because of unique diagnosis. But within MAGA, the issue is divisive.
Now we have what can only be referred to as #elongate, which I know he will appreciate.
Johnson, Bannon, Jones on the Matter . . .
If there’s one thing we can count on, it’s that Donald J. Trump does not GAF what anyone thinks once his mind is made up. It doesn’t matter how rich you are or what you’ve donated. And frankly, I count that as one of his most admirable traits.
That doesn’t mean I’m pro–this bloated bill—but to his credit, it’s proof Trump can’t be bought. They said Elon was buying favors, but the final edit of the BBB left him high and dry.
For a minute there, there was room to admire them both—Elon, for railing against what he sees as gross government overspend; Trump, for reminding the world he answers to no one.
But then Elon detonated a viral bomb, escalating from simmering irritation to scalding accusation with the Epstein post—essentially branding the president a well-protected pedophile. He knew exactly what he was doing. He picked the one grenade that guarantees viral traction on both sides of the aisle—and handed it gift-wrapped to liberal media.
The internal fights are such a turn off.
Midterms will be fun.
The Epstein play wasn’t about policy. It was personal. Trump later claimed the fallout stemmed from slashed EV incentives—something he’s never shied away from opposing.
I’ll share my working theory—and a few competing ones—but I’m open to yours in the comments.
For the record, my skepticism toward Elon goes way back to the Depp days. Longtime readers can vouch: I still don’t know what to make of him. His character remains too thin and shadowy to trust. I’m unconvinced by either extreme. He’s neither the greedy AI tyrant dragging us toward singularity, nor the misunderstood genius with a big heart and awkward social skills my husband insists he is.
(We’ve argued about Elon more than any other topic in our marriage. He thinks I’m too hard on him. I think he’s overlooking Elon’s role in all of this—and how it’s interfering with Trump’s optics and momentum.)
I tracked his Epstein connection here.
We all saw it coming. With Trump there can only be one. Some people even placed bets on when and how it would fall apart. Most assumed it’d last longer than this. But in politics, things tend to implode faster than we’re prepared for—especially with egos and endorsements of this magnitude.
If you’ve been following the Depp Trial Archive series I launched this week, part two will pick up a few of these threads. But the short version? Elon is evolved in science, erratic in real life, and teetering on a drug dependency masked by therapeutic aids for depressive spells.
The ketamine rumors aren’t new. But imagine, just for a second, what it’s like inside his brain. Or Trump’s. The internal monologues alone…
And let’s not forget Elon didn’t back Trump early on. His support came later, largely thanks to his relationship with MAGA darling Ashley St. Clair, who helped “Trump-pill” him during the final stretch of the campaign.
I remember the photos she showed me. He looked like a kid on Christmas morning, grinning under a dark MAGA hat she’d sourced—the version that wasn’t selling until he wore it and turned it into a symbol of his new political identity. A brooding alt-red wave MAGA fanboy.
Yes, Elon’s endorsement and money helped. But to say he won Trump the election is a bold assumption. He may have swayed a slice of disillusioned men—but it was RFK who brought in the MAHA mothers. A large chunk of my own audience. That’s what tipped the scales.
He loved the access and was seduced by the adoration of MAGA and the family dynamic in Trumpland. He moved in. His brood had their own spaces at Mar-a-Lago and the White House, where he got to play out some idealized version of house with Trump as the approving father figure he arguably never had.
But aren't his motivations always self-serving? He’s financially and existentially invested in staying ahead of the global AI race. And proximity to Trump granted him unmatched access.
But did DOGE deliver?
Bannon says he failed us. He claims Elon didn’t follow through on what mattered, and now Trump is pissed. Elon’s entire industry was discarded in the final breakdown of the bill, which serves as the most practical fracture point.
Still, multiple things can be true at once.
A few months ago, in a closed-door room with us “influencers” after a tour of his office, Speaker Mike Johnson joked about the difficulty of passing that “big, beautiful bill.” He described, with irreverent air, what it was like dealing with Trump’s business minded mentality and in meetings with world leaders interrupted by little X, perched on Elon’s lap, speaking into a live mic. The image stuck. I can’t imagine Trump or Susie Wiles loved having a toddler in these negotiations.
Other sources grumbled that Elon was inescapable. Thanks to his clearance, he could walk into any meeting unannounced—and often did. The optics suggested overreach. Reality, by several accounts, confirms it.
Still, I maintain—after a lot of digging—that Trump isn’t at risk in these files. If there were something real, it would’ve aired on every network ages ago. The left would have been all over it.
Some facts remain: Trump kicked Epstein out of Mar-a-Lago. He cooperated with victim attorneys. Brad Edwards credited him. It came up in the Maxwell trial. And in one recording, Nick said Epstein told him he’d be offered a deal if he could produce evidence to impeach Trump—only to admit he had nothing.
So I’m not sure why we keep circling this theory that Trump is hiding something dark.
I don’t think Trump fears Elon because of what he might expose. I think he fears the influence—especially in this internet-addled moment. Elon’s usefulness is fading, but his platform is still a weapon. Trump wants a clean break, so he’s treading lightly to avoid a full-scale attack which could provoke Elon to spill insider secrets.
Elon may be right about the spending. But he’s erratic. It’s hard to tell what’s truth and what’s tantrum.
Bannon called it months ago. Now he’s demanding Elon be deported.
Elon fired back, calling Bannon “peak retard.”
Some say it’s all theater. Controlled opposition. A staged psyop.
Alex Jones says we’re on the brink of nuclear war.
Kanye, caught in the middle again, begged the bros to stop because we love them both.
Charlie Kirk reminded everyone Elon “saved free speech” by buying X.
Ashley St. Clair is offering breakup advice to DJT.
Alex Cohen is calling it Drake vs. Kendrick for Republicans.
JD Vance is conspicuously silent.
Liberals are confused—are they supposed to keep burning Teslas?
Elon’s trans daughter is laughing hysterically in the Daily Mail.
David Schoen—the lawyer Epstein consulted before he died—says there’s no compromising material on Trump.
Me? I’m mostly focused on proving I was right in all those private arguments with Mike about Elon being a problematic injection into the administration.
As it stands now, the record speaks for itself.
IN OTHER NEWS . . .
