Lana Del Rey & The Reemergence of Masculinity
“1 redneck is worth more than 1,000 PhD’s.” — The Internet
“Down South, the Necessities of Life Are Easy to Come By.”
I drove Matt’s pick up truck to the shopping mall, had my hair trimmed by someone other than myself at 3am, and bought a new pair of shoes. Black leather with a gold buckle. Small indulgences have been a long time coming.
The red truck with the blue hood rattles me home to make dinner. I fold our laundry and hide the shirts of Matt’s I secretly wish he would stop wearing. We had company at the house this week, the beaming energy of his cousin, her husband, and their three year old daughter. I toss all the towels in the laundry, not caring if this load gets a little extra detergent. The soup is boiling as loud as the neighbors dog, and I turn the simmer down so it’s not too hot for dinner. There’s about fifteen minutes till he comes home.
Down South there’s three things that anyone can have: a job, a local dive, and a significant other.
In New York City, being a romantic was a hopeless endeavor, and many of us had more jobs than love.
Down south, the necessities of life are easy to come by.
Halloween is in two weeks and this year I will be launching my first couples costume. The choice was obvious, I’ll be Lana and Matt will be an alligator.
On September 26, 2024, renowned singer and passionate American, Lana Del Rey (nee Elizabeth Grant) married alligator tour guide Jeremy Dufrene in a Louisiana ceremony. The nuptials were not only a win for our heavy-hearted crooner, but for city-turned-country girls everywhere.
Lana’s observations of American culture have been a source of validation for her fans since her first major album released in January 2012. After graduating Fordham with a degree in philosophy with rumored concentration in metaphysics, Lana lived in a trailer park for the soul purpose of understanding basic America. Through her insight, we all won with breakout song Video Games. “Swinging in the backyard, Pull up in your fast car, Whistling my name. Open up a beer, And you say “Get over here and play a video game.”
Lana’s bombastic success came with fame and mega attention, which ironically only turned her off. She quickly understood that women lose so much when they are forced to play the game of cool. Lana left Brooklyn and moved to Los Angeles. And after that, she did what any sane person would do: She left Los Angeles and moved to Alabama. In her 2021 album, “Chemtrails over the Country Club” Lana nicely tells us to give up the glitz and turn back down to earth.
Her 2023 album titled “Did you know that there’s a tunnel under Ocean Blvd” explained with no minced words that LA is a dangerous place full of secret traps and inescapable shame. If you have never listened to what should have been Grammy’s Record of the year, A&W, I think you’ll find a piece of yourself there.
“I haven’t done a cartwheel since I was nine. I haven’t seen my mother in a long, long time. I mean, look at me, look at the length of my hair and my face, the shape of my body. Do you really think I give a damn what I do after years of just hearing them talking?”
This past summer, Del Rey took up a job waitressing at Waffle House, connecting once again to the pulse of culture that every other artist can only pretend to do.
2024 Lana marrying Mr Dufrene just made sense in a display many of us would do well to be inspired by.
The night before Hurricane Milton, Matt and I laid in bed scrolling through Amazon and thumbed our Halloween details.
“I’ll buy whatever!” I say, deciding the greenest alligator options. “I’ve picked up extra shifts.”
I am excited to be wearing a white polkadot dress with baby blue nail polish. For my hair, Matt suggested I find a headpiece that looked like Lana’s 2024 MetGala outfit. So I bought the $19 woodland crown. I also bought fake eyelashes, which I’ve never worn before and I’m fucking terrified of getting super glue in my eye.
For Matt, we found a green shirt and I’m hoping he wears it mostly unbuttoned for full affect. Accessories include cut-off Levi’s, vintage cowboy boots, a gold chain and plush alligator hat with big black bead eyes and a snout with long ear flaps.
A Lana and alligator pop culture Halloween costume was obvious not just because I’m such a mega fan, but Lana’s journey from big city to small town is parallel to my own, and a conversation that has a lot of women reconsidering their hyper-independence.
Matt lives in a house with no legitimate mirrors or wifi. I like that. The stove turns on when you spark a lighter underneath and if you get drunk and fall asleep on the futon, you will catch a cold. I know what he’s looking for and without saying the name of the item I shout the location from my spot on the couch, and he goes there and I am right.
When we first started dating, Matt slept with a throw blanket instead of a comforter and with time, I’ve reimagined his room to have not only top and bottom sheets, but matching pillowcases as well.
In return for my design and cleaning offerings, Matt grills our dinners and fixes our cars. Next door is a 90 year old widow named Betty who tells us if we aren’t careful, we’re gonna end up falling in love forever. She buys treats to feed our cats while Matt takes care of her lawn, her porch, and clearing Betty’s driveway whenever the wind is too strong. Down the street, a new neighbor hears that Matt knows how to take down trees, “Are you the tree guy?” the white haired woman with a baseball cap bangs through our porch mid-takeout session. “Yes!!! Him!!” I tug my hair down and introduce both of us. You can’t always be a lady, but you have to at least always pretend you are.
When I caught my first fish, Matt cooked it on the grill while I hid in the bedroom. When he found me, I told him that eating something I caught makes me sad because I think the fish would have rather stayed in the ocean. Matt laughs at me and I am reminded that these are the basic survival skills of humans.
The give and take of balanced feminine and masculine energy in this relationship have filled in the broken pieces of my heart in ways I didn’t think would happen. I am flourishing, maybe glowing. I am less tough but more secure. I share my life with someone who takes on half the load. Dependable, practical, tried and true.
When I lived in New York I long a long term fling with a hot bisexual bartender named Justin who played classical piano and had a gold tooth. Justin has a tattoo of a razor blade on his hip, a unicorn on his calf, and a Dr Seuss tree on his neck. Most of the guys in New York were some kind of “not entirely straight” and it made me feel like a square.
While our society has emerged its understanding of emotional intelligence to include all genders, we have accidentally included incredible shame in most of the traditional masculine themes. Why shouldn’t survival instincts and willingness to hold nature by its bare hands continue to be a necessary and revered trait in our country? Men who aren’t afraid to take arms, protect their children, their wives, and their neighbors. I don’t need my man to notice that I changed my nail color from light pink to light light light pink or sing Pink Pony Club with me down the highway. I like laying on the bow of the boat while he throws crab traps, reorganizing my dresses while he power washes the house, and maintaining myself for the sake of his own fantasy.
Traditional love can still be progressive if it propels two people forward to their best life.
Bring on traditional gender roles. I personally love when my husband mows the lawn and grills and opens doors for me. I sure as hell don’t want to mow the lawn. 😂 That doesn’t make me any less independent or more dependent on a man. It just means we respect and love each other enough to help one another. Call me old fashioned but I love it.
I’m so thrilled that masculinity, and how it compliments femininity, has made its way to my favorite Substack.