Someone Save Ben from his Well Styled Parisian Honeymoon Nightmare

Or just fetch the guy an iced coffee and a pair of sweatpants

A PowerPoint presentation as small gift from me to you

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Now that Bennifer is officially “official,” they took their well-styled union to the streets of Paris to celebrate with the whole family. Using the Seine River as romantic backdrop to the endless array of outfit changes, long walks paired with brightly colored Birkin bags, and perfectly dewy sun-kissed foreheads glistening under the swell of that brutal -albeit French branded - summer heat.

We’ve been privy to the boat rides, the balcony kisses, the window gazing, and all of the candle-lit dinners. As well as the museum dates and the window shopping, thanks to a photographer tracking their every move, indulging us with high-quality captures instead of the grainy paparazzi intrusions we are accustomed to with these types of exotic Hollywood honeymoons.

Naturally, the fashion sites are aglow with gushing compliments and praise over how stunning Jen looks in each of her selected newlywed looks. Nailing high glamour with a nod to classic European simplicity. And ponytails that rarely disappoint.

But what about Ben? Is anyone else worried about Ben? Or are we supposed to just ignore the fact that he is on the verge of tears in nearly every photo we see? Crumpled in a corner, passed out on a boat deck, jaw clenched while shopping. Is he perhaps having a hard time hiding fresh regret over officiating this recycled love affair? And with it, the return of hair gel, custom-fitted Italian suits in July, and mid-day shopping sprees to Sephora while in France? Or is he just miserable because the kids are annoying, the sex sparse, and he’s overstyled and sober in Paris?

If I’m going with gut instincts, I’m guessing he’s just having a hard time adjusting to Bennifer 2.0. Probably missing his cigarettes and cocktails, the 4$ iced coffees, and the late nights overtipping strippers in the Valley.

Don’t worry Ben, judging by the matching sweatsuits during that holiday weekend in the Hamptons, it looks like things are only bound to get worse.

But hey, cheers to second chances.

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