This is a beautiful and graceful article. I’ve always wanted to be a trad wife.. but growing up when I did (I’m 33) convinced me that was shameful to desire. I chased progression and false ambitions only to end up unfulfilled and unhappy. The feminists movement failed us.. and it honestly pisses me off. Not every woman wants to climb the corporate ladder. Chasing “equality” left the voluntary traditional woman to be shamed and disrespected… and that isn’t feminism at all.
I love that you wigged in from a personal standpoint. I guess my point is you as example. Some girls grow up wanting to be wives and mothers and that should be respected too. Thank you kaila for your honesty in the conversation.
100% a lie. I have a similar story. Was a liberal feminist for years and when I finally changed my views and realized I wanted babies it was too late for me.
I don't get this, when did this indoctrination happen that is causing all this regret? I was born in the early 1960's. I'm probably old enough to be a mother to a lot of commenters. I remember when my Mother couldn't have her own credit card or buy a house without my Dad's permission. Until 1974 it was technically legal for financial institutions to refuse loans to unmarried women, or to require them to have a male co-signer.
I called myself a feminist in 1977, when I was a 14 yo high schooler.(well-women's libber in those days) I read Ms. magazine, and carried 'Our bodies, Ourselves' by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective like it was a bible, and didn't shave in high school. I would have burned my bra but my mother wouldn't let me.😊 My college major for my freshman year was in Engineering (I was one of 3 women in my class) I didn't like my major so dropped out of college and got married at 19 yo in 1982, still a feminist. I kept my maiden name even though the Navy (my husband was enlisted) kept hassling me. My 20 yo self had to repeatedly explain to middle age Navy officers that 'Yes, I was legally married and yes, it was legal to keep my maiden name' in 1982. I graduated at 26, my husband helped put me through college. (I later helped him) I chose nursing so I could focus on Women's health, both clinically and politically. Thirty-five years later I am still working in the same field. After working for four years and being married for ten, I (we) decided it was time to have kids. I had our first at 30, the second at 32. Almost all my feminist friends were married and most were having children, because we knew our biological clocks would explode at 35. I did make a concession before we had kids. My husband didn't like the idea of 3 different names in the family. Mine, his, and the kids hyphenated. So my husband and I both hyphenated our names together so we would have the same name as our future children. After the kids were born, both my husband and I worked 3/4 time, so we could both take care of the kids and continue our jobs. No one kicked me out of the feminist camp because I was now on the 'Mommy career track' and hyphenated my name.
Now our kids are 31 & 29, and off on their own. I wouldn't say we had it all. Nobody, no matter what they believe (liberal or conservative) has it all, that's life. Life wasn't smooth, there were hard times financially and emotionally like every other family out there. I don't remember feminism promising me an easy life. There were sacrifices: a much smaller house, older cars, small vacations and even smaller retirement savings. 🫤 You prioritize what matters to you. Now we are now playing catch up with retirement savings; at least we don't have to downsize the house. 😂
How did feminism lie to me? What was the big conspiracy? To encourage women to get educated so they could always support their children and themselves if something happened to their partner? Only the ultra radical feminists, a tiny subset, tried to tell women not to marry or have children. But average feminists, who have always been in the majority, did marry and have children. Was the lie that we fought to get the same opportunities as men and paid the same for the same work? We haven't won that one (yet) but I haven't met any woman, feminist or not, who wants to get cheated out of money. Please tell me what feminism lied about that has caused so much upset? Because from where I'm standing at 61 yo looking back on what my 14 yo feminist self wanted, I mostly achieved, thanks to feminism.
Feminism has its downside, people need to accept that. Feminism is at its root anti male. However, being subject to ones father or husband is not as bad as going out into the world, getting abused by strangers, getting pregnant by strange men, not having children until it's too late, living alone, so yeah we non feminists find a lot to lose in Feminism. The trade off was not good for the vast majority. Society itself got destabilized because women left their posts and went outside the home, only to find emptiness.
Perhaps some women needed help in a bad relationship, that didn't mean the whole of society needed to throw out women's roles. Feminism despises the work of women, nurturing the young, caring for the old. It's a selfish concept, where only oneself matters. Then these feminists wonder why they are alone and why women who are happy in family life don't accept their failed ideas.
The "Indoctrination"...I Remember seeing the "Message" in Magazines...
Advertisers & Marketing Took up the Torch for a Specific Group of Women Who Wanted More Than Motherhood & Home Tending...Both Very Honorable "Careers".
In the Beginning, I Think it was Simply to Let Women Know they DID Have Choices & Options Beyond the Home. Plus the two World Wars Forced Women to work outside the home & many enjoyed the freedoms associated with earning money that way...
But Like So Many Movements...There was the Faction who Took it to the Extreme Far Left & Criticized Those Who Actually Loved Their Lives as Wives, Mothers, Home Makers & Homesteaders who worked hard to raise quality livestock to sell at market for the highest prices they could get...Selling their Hand-Works & Wares to the highest bidder at auction...perfecting her stitches so she got more money per piece...instead of today's Production...& assembly lines that Spit Out millions of clones at super cheap prices.
She works hard to perfect her "Products" While her Husband Works at His Own Passion knowing she is able and capable of tending to the house he helps support.
There is space in the world for both pursuits...the Left Simply Needs to Be Told by the Women in This "Field" of work...to shut the H*LL Up & go Live Their Own Lives.
My struggle with it, and why I consider homeschooling my child, is that this ideology is started in elementary school. It has nothing to do with classical education, so why? Except there’s a drive to push women into the career force and discourage having as many children. I swallowed it up, pursued education and a career and pushed off family life which I regret. I wish I had gotten married, like you, at a young age when I could’ve had more options. However the push seems to be: you’re smart, you should pursue continued education and a career. Again, there’s no reason for this type of ideology to start being pushed in elementary schools.
I think one aspect of the feminist deceit (at least of my era, growing up in 80s) had to do with the notion of “having it all.” The ideology that was promoted / preached in my neck of the very liberal woods (Cambridge, MA) was that women can and should “have it all.” It was not considered politically correct to speak of such things as the fact that women have a relatively brief window of time in which they can safely bear a child - and that this window of time does not adhere to individual professional ambitions. A lot of my friends woke up to some very harsh realities when the hit their late 30s and 40s.
I am grateful for many aspects of feminism and those who fought for it, but there was (and is) an aspect of dishonesty and judgement that does a real disservice to the movement - and alienates woman who have simply CHOSEN a more “traditional” path. The point here is choice. Feminism is really about having the ability to choose one’s own path - based on the knowledge that nature has designed us differently.
No. It’s the hammering of feminism into education that warped my young mind. It’s indoctrination to young kids with a specific agenda. Same thing they’re trying to do with the trans stuff.
I do blame the indoctrination and wish I had never fallen for it
First of all you’ve got me LOL’ing with the trump comment. Second, on kids. It’s not happening? Yeah you’re wrong on that too. Don’t believe the liberal hype it is happening. I work at a children’s hospital. Wheres your incorrect data coming from? Sorry but I can’t take a poster like you seriously. You’ve clearly shown your hand
No. To get women to focus on careers, have less children, have less influence on the children (so the state can have more via daycare, preschool, etc), children them become more susceptible to the state indoctrination (Marxism, transgender ideology, etc) because their parents are working more and more tired. There is an agenda to decrease population and this is part of it
I couldn’t agree with this more. I just turned 37. I am a managing partner at a large firm. I’m great at my job, I make a very good living. I also hate it. The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom. Not because I’m not driven, not because I’m not smart - I’m both of those things. My values, for myself, mean my most worthy position was always going to be a mother. I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. I’m trying to “have it all” - there is no such thing. Instead of being fufilled with either I’m burnt out with both. Feminism failed us quietly. You can’t actually pick - and you’re expected to “do it all” - but to do so you sacrifice yourself in every way.
Yes! I have always wanted to be a mom. My only dream and I was taught that wasn't enough. I am also 33 and now a sahm to my 5 kids and i could not be happier. When I was a new mom at 22, society had me convinced that I needed to bounce right back to doing it all. Go back to work, send my baby to daycare. I needed a career. It was the only way I could contribute to my family. I feel robbed of those first few years with my older boys now when I look back. I wish I had just focused on being their mom and nothing else.
I feel this, as I got caught in the hamster wheel and at 34 am still trying to find my way out. Finally unraveled all the brainwashing when I detoxed my brain off HBC 4 years ago. I feel like feminism has ripped away femininity and a true women’s soul purpose on this earth.
I actually grew up with a very traditional mom...she did work, but for extra income, after my brother & I were old enough to tend to ourselves for an hour after school. In the 70's women began to feel the nudge to work outside the home...
I really wish the message had survived...
That Being the "Home" Creator; the Child Raiser; the Household Accountant...The Gardner...
The Livestock Nurturer/Seller; The Morals/Values Teacher; The Home Mechanic; The Budget Maker: The Teacher of Life Skills to Young Folks....
The responsibilities of a "Home Manager" are vast.
In Addition to Making a Place for "Love" to Grow & a Beloved Husband to "Rest" After He's Worked to Provide a Place in the World for a Woman to Thrive.
My Mother Was NEVER Slave & Subservient to My Dad...She "Submitted" Her All to Him...
& Together they were the "HEAD" of Household...
Traditionally, the Man is the Head of Household...But He's to Love His Wife, Respect Her, Honor Her Wishes, Desires & Personality...
But Today's Feminists Skewed the Message; made it Corrupt & Dishonorable... I'm Thrilled to See Women Stand Up to the Lies...& Not only Speak the Truth, but Live it Loud & Proud.
Really powerfully and vulnerably put. The feminist movement definitely encouraged one path (corporate ladder-climbing, chasing equality) over anything else. Having spent a lot of time in corporate even while dating and wanting to be a trad wife, I see a lot of women exhausted by trying to be what the feminist movement said they should be.
I always thought modern day feminism was choosing your own path, but I realize more every day that it’s only allowed to be feminism if you choose the brand that most liberals are peddling.
The media likes to polarize sides, it makes for good ratings. The ultra radical feminist are a very tiny part of the whole movement. That is who you are quoting. The vast majority of average feminists believe in choice. Whether you want to be all career or all stay at home, or even a mixture of both. Feminism supports choice! Talk to some real feminists and stop listening to the media.
This is the truth. I decided to be at home w my kids when they were young, and absolutely had it in my mind that I’m going to still be a feminist, etc. I was shocked at how I felt/was made to feel as I absorbed messages of culture, whether in social situations, through “feminist” books and songs etc. It was a reckoning that’s for sure
😂😂 yep it’s easy to take for granted the progress that has been made. And as you said remember that the extremes are a minority, sold to us as the entirety of ‘the other side’ 🙄
I agree 100%! I’m 70 years old And can’t figure out why young women seem to need to assign themselves and other women into one role or the other! Feminism simply means choices and the legally protected freedom to choose how you want to live your life! Maybe some younger women only see the fairytale and not the reality of how awful it was for women to not have choices legally or socially about how they wanted their lives to be. Before 1972, you could still choose to be on your own, but you had no legal rights or financial independence. If you were married to an abusive person, there was basically no way out! Maybe the problem is that too many young women care what other women say and think about their choices. By the way, you can be liberal and be a stay at home Mom or conservative and be a career oriented Mom. Why do some women still insist upon pigeonholing themselves and others?
Literally no one… which is the bigger point you’re missing.
There’s so much talk about agendas and the media and the elite and blah blah blah, but it’s all just about finding someone or something to blame for not making the decisions you want make.
And this is the biggest way the “media” is working… the fact that there’s groups of folks running around the internet and irl looking for someone to blame instead of just doing the thing they wanna do.
So what if a certain type of feminist looks down on you? They’re not coming to your house, throwing you in jail or executing you for it. Just live your freaking life.
According to the left, making yogurt at home is fine, but spending your inherited wealth unapologetically on farting cows and lots of kids is ‘wrong think.’
Choosing God, family, and farm life over Julliard is sinful.
The left is lying to women. Telling them throuples are cool. Don’t worry about having kids in your 20s and 30s, you can wait until you’re 45. You’re safer with a bear than a random man. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Men are toxic.
Ballerina Farm is showing a woman thriving and healthy while dismissing those lies.
If she was impoverished she would not be thriving. Her husband’s family money is what ensures they got to this point and thrived while doing so.
The left isn’t telling people “throuples are cool,” it’s more like “choose your own path” lol
I’m pretty liberal and live in a liberal city. I don’t know any throuples. I don’t know anyone who waited til 45 to have kids. I *chose* to make my career a cornerstone because it’s important to me.
It’s your choice to live how you choose, but stop acting like you know everything about their lives. You’re judging her because she married into money. So what. How they got to where they are isn’t yours to judge.
Her very first sentence is judgmental and uninformed. She has zero idea how their situation would be today without a jump start. It’s not ours to decide. That’s the point.
Why can’t feminists just be happy that’s she’s happy?
I’m not talking about the hard life of farmers. I was stating that you have no idea how their life would be if they didn’t have money from the FIL. You are judging because they may - or maybe not - had financial help.
Jumping in here because two of my good friend’s are farmers wives, living trad wives lives in central Illinois. Neither of them are wealthy, but they make it work. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years now, and we also aren’t wealthy but we make it work.
Yes, I absolutely know women who wanted (and got) what Gen Z calls a “soft life” (being a stay at home wife) or choosing to stay home with their kids, at least till school starts. Most of the women in my family did that. Zero judgment from me. It’s not what I want for myself but I don’t want or need to make a choice for other women.
I agree that there is a LOT of judgment in this article. :/
Are you ‘judging’ that there is a lot of ‘judging’ in this article? As women, when a woman shares her own personal experience of abuse I think we can ALL be supportive. In this article, Jessica shared her own experience of the abuse she received from a group of which she formerly belonged. Maybe the abusers in that group do ‘not’ represent you two & only represent a very small percentage of said ‘liberal’’s. BUT again, not judging each other & listening to one another (with the goal of gained understanding) is something we could all aspire. I genuinely appreciate both of your comments and feel more informed. Kindness is the best atmosphere for learning & growing. ✌️
Agree with all you stated. Ballerina Farm (Hannah) seems to know who she is, what she wants, and what she values most. I admire that about her. I have followed her and her husband (@hogfathering) for years. It is evident they work incredibly hard for what they have. I admire that about them both. Your whole article was great, but this part was spot on “Hannah's story isn't about regression, it’s about choice. She embodies a version of success not measured by corporate titles, but personal contentment and family harmony that is, at the core, rooted in her faith in God.”….perfect summary!
This article was spot on! One of the things I’ve found interesting about the whole Ballerina Farm conversation the past couple of weeks has been how nobody seems to acknowledge that she has built a VERY lucrative brand. JetBlue, while maybe an investor initially, does not fund her life. She is doing BOTH. She is a Trad wife, but she is also an Entrepreneur. She is a CEO. She is doing both with Grace and Poise the far Left Feminists who bash her could only dream to possess. Though I suppose they’re not concerned with either in their quest for “Freedom”.
JetBlue is funding her life, let’s be real. I respect her choices, but I’m not about to live in some fantasy world.
Many women would love to be SAHM, but without paid parental leave, it is financially impossible. But go ahead, blame the feminists who fight for paid parental leave, the same ones who fight to raise the minimum wage so that parents might be able to work less hours and spend more time with their kids. Oh those nasty feminists!!
As asked above, are you their accountant? Do you speak from a personal knowledge of their finances? Hannah grew up in an entrepreneurial family. Are you so willing to discount her knowledge of business because she’s a woman? Or she married a guy whose dad is rich?
Oh brother, or rather, oh sister. Your accusations of me are silly and ridiculous. But yeah, go ahead, defend BF lady like she’s your best friend.
Meanwhile, you don’t say a peep to support feminists that are fighting for robust paid parental leave here in America. Leave here in the USA is 3 months. In Western Europe, it’s 12 months.
Do you think BF lady is helping ordinary women to have better lives by escaping into her fantasy life? She ain’t.
Her business is her life, so she does talk about it often. They have a little grocery store in their small town & they do boxes of meats, breads, treats that ship out weekly (& they are pricey… but delicious!) — plus the money she’s bringing in from her account.
Truly you would think her ability to have these businesses while keeping up with her homesteading would bring in applause from the feminist… if she had the same businesses while also keeping up with her weekly book club, wine tastings, & ski slope afternoons, she would be celebrated. It’s something about being a mother that really sets off the left
Great post …. The woke are shaking in their boots, we are all sick of this crap it’s time to get back to basics. Do it November our lives are on the line.
I live in an area where there are many female and male “ballerinas.”
They “homestead.” Some are from wealthy families, so don’t worry about money, some are not. It is a very difficult lifestyle, that usually can’t be sustained as they reach an older age. And it doesn’t seem like their children are interested in continuing the lifestyle. In the old days, families would stay on the farm and care for their parents. But very few earn enough money to support themselves in this lifestyle. They depend on having jobs outside their farm. Being able to stay home with your babies is a luxury in this country. I have daughters who have worked nonstop through pregnancy and through raising their children. They work at home and spend a lot of their income on childcare. They earn more than their husbands and cannot afford to stop working. The story about “ballerina” is just another fantasy. Reality is most women have no choice but to just push forward and get as much as they can from life, whatever that may turn out to be!
Which part is fantasy? That anyone can live the life she does? Well, Bill Gates has bought up all the farmland (and Americans don't care why) so yeah, replicating her lifestyle does seem like fantasy.
I would say she shows it vs. Talks about it. Shows you what comes in the meat box once a week, if you are ordering. No links , nothing in caption. You have to look to click all they offer. Sometimes she'll model an apron or shirt coming out. I find it very seamless and not in your face
Such a great article. I’m a trad mom and personally hate when women feel like they HAVE to do more. It’s such a huge roll and so important. I also never put women down for going to work. My sister works and has worked since both of her children were born. I think she’s doing an amazing job too.
I love how you say we can all do something different and not judge or criticize other women for it. I love Ballerina Farm and honestly am amazed at her love for children, family and husband. I love watching her. I also love watching all the amazing women that have their careers.
I think just cheering women on is the most important thing we can do.
Yes!! Hello we are literally raising the future so why not devote our attention on that if we are capable of doing so!!! Literally, children are the future
Love love your approach to celebrating women and our different paths. I left my career in 2020 4 months after the birth of our first child. I climbed the corporate ladder for 12+ years and left in the prime of my career. I have never been more happy or fulfilled than I am now staying at home, looking after our children, my husband, and home.
I too was raised in the era told I need to work and compete with men. The dynamic in our home has changed for the better- as this role feels much more natural to me. It also made me realize I never want to go back to corporate America- but rather pursue a passion project once the kids are a little older. Kudos to you, Jessica, for doing the same! I have enjoyed watching the evolution of your writing and topics!
My story/timeline mirrors yours almost exactly! The quality of life improvement for our home and our kids is remarkable. My husband's career has really taken off since I now manage the kids and house, and I say that proudly, knowing it was my support that made it possible. We work as a team! I'm sure the left would absolutely scream at my "oppression", as they tend to do when you ignore or topple their idols.
That is wonderful to hear you and your family are thriving! Unfortunately the modern day feminists/leftists insist that women “lose themselves” when they choose to stay home for their family. When in fact, it is quite the opposite!
Don't you love being told what you (as someone who leans left) believes/says/does? I know I do🙄 I applaud your patience with so many on here; I used to post and comment along your lines, but the absolute refusal of so many conservatives to listen and take what I'm saying at face value and instead insist that since I'm liberal no, THEY know what I believe, is too much for me to handle anymore. Thank you for keeping at it though. I mean that❤️
Great article, Jessica -- thank you! I am currently working on a movie about young Norma Jeane Dougherty (aka Marilyn Monroe) and her marriage to her first husband Jim Dougherty, a decent working class man who loved her. Her 4-year marriage to Jim before she was discovered as a model and left him to go to Hollywood is the only period of stability in her entire life. During this time, Norma Jeane was very much a trad wife and homemaker and was looking forward to being a mother. When she became Marilyn Monroe, she erased Jim and that entire part of her life as not serving her new public image as sexy movie star. But in my research, it has become clear that the only time Norma Jeane was actually happy in her life was during her time as a homemaker with Jim. When I bring this up with Marilyn Monroe fans, they become very agitated, and one even said to me yesterday that Marilyn was "too good to be a desperate housewife." Which reveals very ugly stereotypes about trad wives that are prevalent today. The truth is that the Marilyn Monroe they revere died miserable and alone at 36 and is not an example for anyone about how to have a fulfilling life. And the tragedy is that Norma Jeane would have probably been happier and lived a long life had she stayed with Jim and focused on raising children and grandchildren.
Not trying to knock anything you're saying, I may be wrong or might have misunderstood the info I'm about to share, so forgive me if that is so. However I remember also reading that Norma Jean hardly knew Jim and had married him first and foremost to escape a not so great home life at 17. She did want children, and had a devastating miscarriage when she had been Marilyn for several years already, but she did not have any delusions of a long happy life with Jim. Actually, I know this to be true, seriously I'd like to post a screenshot of an article I read awhile ago where she was describing how bored she was, that they barely spoke etc. but I don't know how. It was on the Today show's site around the end of summer 2022. So I'm sorry if you're pissed I shared that lol
The narrative Marilyn Monroe created about her first marriage when she became famous was PR to preserve her image as a glamorous movie star (being a happy housewife to a sailor didn't fit that image). During her marriage, Norma Jeane wrote many letters about how much she loved Jim. And her own sister Berniece wrote in her memoir that Norma Jeane was deeply in love with Jim and had difficulty moving on after she divorced him to chase fame. Norma Jeane absolutely wanted children and said that often privately. Her public claims in the media were often lies to create an image. Marilyn claimed to have never engaged in the casting couch when in reality she depended on it for her career. She was sleeping with her agent Johnny Hyde and broke up his marriage. She also slept with Joseph Schenck, the chairman of 20th Century Fox, who hooked her up with acting teachers and helped advance her career. Marilyn even claimed her mother was dead to hide the fact that she was in a mental institution. She lied to the press to hide that she had an affair with Arthur Miller while he was still married, claiming they only got together romantically after he divorced (when she was in fact his mistress during Miller's first marriage). Marilyn Monroe was the master of media manipulation. The reason I am doing my movie is to end the PR lie around her first marriage that has been spread for over 70 years.
Thank you! I just wasted a lot of time on Instagram arguing with a crazy Marilyn Monroe fan who insulted Norma Jeane's marriage to Jim because she found it to be against her feminist views. My movie will be attacked by these people -- which is exactly why I need to get it made!
Thank you SO MUCH for this take. I’ve been waiting to see someone unpack the Trad wife conversation from this angle. Feminism, to me, is about the freedom to choose. It’s baffling to me how many self proclaimed women who support women are loudly shaming her for her lifestyle choices (and further, refusing to believe her when she reiterates that this life was in fact her choice- what happened to rallying around women speaking their truth?). As someone left leaning politically, I have to ask: have we gone so far left that we’ve come back around to creating a new rigid rubric for what a modern woman should be?
I loved my career but after I had kids I felt trapped by feminist expectations- like I would let the movement down if I chose to stay home with my babies. I’ve never felt more free than when I walked out of my corporate office for the last time. It was the first choice I ever made in my life that wasn’t fueled by ambition or people-pleasing. It was a choice I made because it was a desire of my heart and my family, my health, my marriage are all the better for it.
I'm glad you're happy now and caring for your children and family. My two children are now adults, but I loved raising them. But what feminist said to you, you were letting us down? Not a person I'm willing to bet. It was the *media* and it doesn't matter if the media is liberal or conservative, they want high ratings. So they will polarize topics to get people riled up and fight. I'm 61 years old and I've been a feminist since I was a teenager. I remember when women couldn't have credit cards or a mortgage on their own. I've been married for 41 years, and worked through it all. Part time when the kids were school aged, full time after. My children always came first. (even now) And I've always considered myself a feminist and my son and daughter both consider themselves feminists. All feminism means is equal opportunities and the ability to choose what *we* want to do with our lives. Not be told what we can and can't do. But that's not exciting enough -so the media twists it or only interviews the tiny subset of ultra radical feminists. I'm glad you had the choice to be educated and have a career. You know (if needed) you can support your family. I am equally glad you had the choice to stay home with your children, they are precious. I consider myself an average feminist, which is the majority, and we support your right to choose.
You hit all the points here but I really have to push back on the “trad wife” label. To me that label is for the women cosplaying, Hannah is not and she has stated she does not consider herself a “trad wife”. I really hate that term, because anyone living anything similar to that type of lifestyle is immediately lumped into that term. I’ve been involved in a three day comment thread that Evie Magazine posted about this and it’s a dumpster fire. The women coming out swearing that she “has to be coerced” and she is subservient to her husband is just ridiculous. Women who know nothing about her personal life enraged that she would be “made” to choose this life over her career. Women have lost their minds… but I think it’s with a large side of envy they won’t admit to.
This is why I never bought into feminism of the 1960s. I am older than dirt now 87 to be exact but I now have a chance to look back at what we were all told to believe in 1960s. I have always been pro-choice even though I myself would not have an abortion but then I went to a conference where one woman stood up and proudly said she had 11 abortions and all the women clapped. I knew then that something was terribly wrong. I adopted two children because I could not have my own and the years I spent with them were some of the happiest of my life. Perhaps this is why, when I am told that women should rule the world and it would be a better place, I'm a little bit more skeptical than most. I have seen what both men and women can do to make the world a Less Pleasant place.
Yes using the label trad wife is super annoying and dismissive. I was fortunate enough to not have to work while raising my kids, not sure why it’s considered an insult
I understand labels and our need for them. They help us in so many ways and not everyone has time to deconstruct everyone's nuanced beliefs. To me, the problem lays in not being able to leave the box out of fear of being looked at as a 'bad liberal', 'bad republican' etc etc.
From my own personal perspective as a "nobody" with 500 Instagram followers, I don't care for the Trad wife "movement" but I myself am a Trad wife. I'm very traditional in my ways of thinking when it comes to being the one to cook, clean and so on while my husband is at work. Mind you, we don't have kids and we're 37 ( medical uncertainties), but I worked in a very labour intensive physical job for 20 years before my husband one day said, " with all you do at home, you shouldn't be working 8 hours a day and dying for a nap, all to go to bed by 8pm because you have to do the same thing over again to go to work for 4am". He also believes it's not normal for women to work, but the way society has made it harder to live off of one income, now demands it.
But I'll tell you one thing, I LOVE it. Whether I'm a conservative or a liberal ( I'm Canadian) I love the stay at home life. I now have time to sleep in, wake up with my husband, make him coffee and breakfast and his lunch for work, spend time gardening and preserving, prepping dinner, taking care of my animals and having time to myself. Money isn't everything and we make the one income work now. I even made a side hustle slinging sourdough bread and sourdough products. Loving it. Tbh, fuck the corporate ladder. Sounds like more stress and shorter life expectancy to me.
Loved every word, but especially how diverse brands of feminism can coexist. I’m tired of seeing “feminists” degrade and tear down other women for making choices that look different than their own. It’s so hypocritical to what they supposedly stand for.
Do not get me started on this 😂 I read a related article about Ballerina Farms on the Cut and the comments were the chefs kiss of intolerance by people who I’m sure consider themselves open minded. One person even made up that this women and her husband probably fled city life out of fear of gay and black ppl lol.
Many others said it was perfectly fine to judge her bc her life choices uphold the patriarchy. It made me ask, do these ladies reserve such judgmental ire for sex workers or those with only fans accounts. I imagine they reserve tolerance for them even though it could definitely be argued that porn stars uphold the patriarchy by, at the very least, perpetuating unrealistic sexual expectations.
What about beautiful actresses, influencers and pop stars? Are they upholding the patriarchy by promoting unrealistic beauty standards?
It just seems like the harsh judgment is reserved for the religious, has lots of kids ladies. You hit the nail on the head by saying it’s bc there’s a presumption of political affiliation. So then I guess the vibe is actually not being accepting of a variety of lifestyle choices. Good to know I guess
I've been following Hannah for years. I watched her go from a mother of 4 to a mother of 8, from 500k followers to 9 million followers. What inspires me the most is her ability to adapt to bringing on so much more, the farm, birthing more children, most of them home births (which she very openly shares) and now the dairy, she has mostly been the same. She and Daniel are the same wholesome people who work harder than I can imagine. It's enviable. Any any success they have they've certainly earned in spades.
Exactly this!! I’ve been following her from the beginning too, and never once has there been a vibe other than grateful and grounded. Sad people have to think ulterior motives whenever they come across happy people.
This is a beautiful and graceful article. I’ve always wanted to be a trad wife.. but growing up when I did (I’m 33) convinced me that was shameful to desire. I chased progression and false ambitions only to end up unfulfilled and unhappy. The feminists movement failed us.. and it honestly pisses me off. Not every woman wants to climb the corporate ladder. Chasing “equality” left the voluntary traditional woman to be shamed and disrespected… and that isn’t feminism at all.
I love that you wigged in from a personal standpoint. I guess my point is you as example. Some girls grow up wanting to be wives and mothers and that should be respected too. Thank you kaila for your honesty in the conversation.
It's a good thing more and more people are waking up to the lies.
@sol sotherland you have made many replies to many different people on this article. I'd like your take on my reply to FedUpInOR.
Me too. I chased success and found it. Didn’t marry until 34 and then had fertility issues. I regret a lot. Feminism is a lie
100% a lie. I have a similar story. Was a liberal feminist for years and when I finally changed my views and realized I wanted babies it was too late for me.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Stay strong, Dorey.
I don't get this, when did this indoctrination happen that is causing all this regret? I was born in the early 1960's. I'm probably old enough to be a mother to a lot of commenters. I remember when my Mother couldn't have her own credit card or buy a house without my Dad's permission. Until 1974 it was technically legal for financial institutions to refuse loans to unmarried women, or to require them to have a male co-signer.
I called myself a feminist in 1977, when I was a 14 yo high schooler.(well-women's libber in those days) I read Ms. magazine, and carried 'Our bodies, Ourselves' by the Boston Women's Health Book Collective like it was a bible, and didn't shave in high school. I would have burned my bra but my mother wouldn't let me.😊 My college major for my freshman year was in Engineering (I was one of 3 women in my class) I didn't like my major so dropped out of college and got married at 19 yo in 1982, still a feminist. I kept my maiden name even though the Navy (my husband was enlisted) kept hassling me. My 20 yo self had to repeatedly explain to middle age Navy officers that 'Yes, I was legally married and yes, it was legal to keep my maiden name' in 1982. I graduated at 26, my husband helped put me through college. (I later helped him) I chose nursing so I could focus on Women's health, both clinically and politically. Thirty-five years later I am still working in the same field. After working for four years and being married for ten, I (we) decided it was time to have kids. I had our first at 30, the second at 32. Almost all my feminist friends were married and most were having children, because we knew our biological clocks would explode at 35. I did make a concession before we had kids. My husband didn't like the idea of 3 different names in the family. Mine, his, and the kids hyphenated. So my husband and I both hyphenated our names together so we would have the same name as our future children. After the kids were born, both my husband and I worked 3/4 time, so we could both take care of the kids and continue our jobs. No one kicked me out of the feminist camp because I was now on the 'Mommy career track' and hyphenated my name.
Now our kids are 31 & 29, and off on their own. I wouldn't say we had it all. Nobody, no matter what they believe (liberal or conservative) has it all, that's life. Life wasn't smooth, there were hard times financially and emotionally like every other family out there. I don't remember feminism promising me an easy life. There were sacrifices: a much smaller house, older cars, small vacations and even smaller retirement savings. 🫤 You prioritize what matters to you. Now we are now playing catch up with retirement savings; at least we don't have to downsize the house. 😂
How did feminism lie to me? What was the big conspiracy? To encourage women to get educated so they could always support their children and themselves if something happened to their partner? Only the ultra radical feminists, a tiny subset, tried to tell women not to marry or have children. But average feminists, who have always been in the majority, did marry and have children. Was the lie that we fought to get the same opportunities as men and paid the same for the same work? We haven't won that one (yet) but I haven't met any woman, feminist or not, who wants to get cheated out of money. Please tell me what feminism lied about that has caused so much upset? Because from where I'm standing at 61 yo looking back on what my 14 yo feminist self wanted, I mostly achieved, thanks to feminism.
Feminism has its downside, people need to accept that. Feminism is at its root anti male. However, being subject to ones father or husband is not as bad as going out into the world, getting abused by strangers, getting pregnant by strange men, not having children until it's too late, living alone, so yeah we non feminists find a lot to lose in Feminism. The trade off was not good for the vast majority. Society itself got destabilized because women left their posts and went outside the home, only to find emptiness.
Perhaps some women needed help in a bad relationship, that didn't mean the whole of society needed to throw out women's roles. Feminism despises the work of women, nurturing the young, caring for the old. It's a selfish concept, where only oneself matters. Then these feminists wonder why they are alone and why women who are happy in family life don't accept their failed ideas.
The "Indoctrination"...I Remember seeing the "Message" in Magazines...
Advertisers & Marketing Took up the Torch for a Specific Group of Women Who Wanted More Than Motherhood & Home Tending...Both Very Honorable "Careers".
In the Beginning, I Think it was Simply to Let Women Know they DID Have Choices & Options Beyond the Home. Plus the two World Wars Forced Women to work outside the home & many enjoyed the freedoms associated with earning money that way...
But Like So Many Movements...There was the Faction who Took it to the Extreme Far Left & Criticized Those Who Actually Loved Their Lives as Wives, Mothers, Home Makers & Homesteaders who worked hard to raise quality livestock to sell at market for the highest prices they could get...Selling their Hand-Works & Wares to the highest bidder at auction...perfecting her stitches so she got more money per piece...instead of today's Production...& assembly lines that Spit Out millions of clones at super cheap prices.
She works hard to perfect her "Products" While her Husband Works at His Own Passion knowing she is able and capable of tending to the house he helps support.
There is space in the world for both pursuits...the Left Simply Needs to Be Told by the Women in This "Field" of work...to shut the H*LL Up & go Live Their Own Lives.
My struggle with it, and why I consider homeschooling my child, is that this ideology is started in elementary school. It has nothing to do with classical education, so why? Except there’s a drive to push women into the career force and discourage having as many children. I swallowed it up, pursued education and a career and pushed off family life which I regret. I wish I had gotten married, like you, at a young age when I could’ve had more options. However the push seems to be: you’re smart, you should pursue continued education and a career. Again, there’s no reason for this type of ideology to start being pushed in elementary schools.
I think one aspect of the feminist deceit (at least of my era, growing up in 80s) had to do with the notion of “having it all.” The ideology that was promoted / preached in my neck of the very liberal woods (Cambridge, MA) was that women can and should “have it all.” It was not considered politically correct to speak of such things as the fact that women have a relatively brief window of time in which they can safely bear a child - and that this window of time does not adhere to individual professional ambitions. A lot of my friends woke up to some very harsh realities when the hit their late 30s and 40s.
I am grateful for many aspects of feminism and those who fought for it, but there was (and is) an aspect of dishonesty and judgement that does a real disservice to the movement - and alienates woman who have simply CHOSEN a more “traditional” path. The point here is choice. Feminism is really about having the ability to choose one’s own path - based on the knowledge that nature has designed us differently.
No. It’s the hammering of feminism into education that warped my young mind. It’s indoctrination to young kids with a specific agenda. Same thing they’re trying to do with the trans stuff.
I do blame the indoctrination and wish I had never fallen for it
First of all you’ve got me LOL’ing with the trump comment. Second, on kids. It’s not happening? Yeah you’re wrong on that too. Don’t believe the liberal hype it is happening. I work at a children’s hospital. Wheres your incorrect data coming from? Sorry but I can’t take a poster like you seriously. You’ve clearly shown your hand
No. To get women to focus on careers, have less children, have less influence on the children (so the state can have more via daycare, preschool, etc), children them become more susceptible to the state indoctrination (Marxism, transgender ideology, etc) because their parents are working more and more tired. There is an agenda to decrease population and this is part of it
This type of thing used to happen on college campuses, now it’s elementary schools. Don’t kid yourself there’s a reason for that.
Indoctrination
I couldn’t agree with this more. I just turned 37. I am a managing partner at a large firm. I’m great at my job, I make a very good living. I also hate it. The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom. Not because I’m not driven, not because I’m not smart - I’m both of those things. My values, for myself, mean my most worthy position was always going to be a mother. I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. I’m trying to “have it all” - there is no such thing. Instead of being fufilled with either I’m burnt out with both. Feminism failed us quietly. You can’t actually pick - and you’re expected to “do it all” - but to do so you sacrifice yourself in every way.
I'm sorry to hear that, Ashley. It's a good thing more women are waking up to b.s propaganda.
Still, many young women are feeding feminism. It's a never-ending fulfilling cycle.
Precisely - thank you.
Yes! I have always wanted to be a mom. My only dream and I was taught that wasn't enough. I am also 33 and now a sahm to my 5 kids and i could not be happier. When I was a new mom at 22, society had me convinced that I needed to bounce right back to doing it all. Go back to work, send my baby to daycare. I needed a career. It was the only way I could contribute to my family. I feel robbed of those first few years with my older boys now when I look back. I wish I had just focused on being their mom and nothing else.
Thank you for sharing your story Jenna.
I feel this, as I got caught in the hamster wheel and at 34 am still trying to find my way out. Finally unraveled all the brainwashing when I detoxed my brain off HBC 4 years ago. I feel like feminism has ripped away femininity and a true women’s soul purpose on this earth.
I actually grew up with a very traditional mom...she did work, but for extra income, after my brother & I were old enough to tend to ourselves for an hour after school. In the 70's women began to feel the nudge to work outside the home...
I really wish the message had survived...
That Being the "Home" Creator; the Child Raiser; the Household Accountant...The Gardner...
The Livestock Nurturer/Seller; The Morals/Values Teacher; The Home Mechanic; The Budget Maker: The Teacher of Life Skills to Young Folks....
The responsibilities of a "Home Manager" are vast.
In Addition to Making a Place for "Love" to Grow & a Beloved Husband to "Rest" After He's Worked to Provide a Place in the World for a Woman to Thrive.
My Mother Was NEVER Slave & Subservient to My Dad...She "Submitted" Her All to Him...
& Together they were the "HEAD" of Household...
Traditionally, the Man is the Head of Household...But He's to Love His Wife, Respect Her, Honor Her Wishes, Desires & Personality...
But Today's Feminists Skewed the Message; made it Corrupt & Dishonorable... I'm Thrilled to See Women Stand Up to the Lies...& Not only Speak the Truth, but Live it Loud & Proud.
Really powerfully and vulnerably put. The feminist movement definitely encouraged one path (corporate ladder-climbing, chasing equality) over anything else. Having spent a lot of time in corporate even while dating and wanting to be a trad wife, I see a lot of women exhausted by trying to be what the feminist movement said they should be.
I always thought modern day feminism was choosing your own path, but I realize more every day that it’s only allowed to be feminism if you choose the brand that most liberals are peddling.
This exactly! They say feminism is being able to choose what you want, but if you choose a traditional life you aren’t feminist
Oh the irony!
The media likes to polarize sides, it makes for good ratings. The ultra radical feminist are a very tiny part of the whole movement. That is who you are quoting. The vast majority of average feminists believe in choice. Whether you want to be all career or all stay at home, or even a mixture of both. Feminism supports choice! Talk to some real feminists and stop listening to the media.
I’m speaking from very personal experience and not the media, but thanks for assuming you know all the details of my personal life.
This is the truth. I decided to be at home w my kids when they were young, and absolutely had it in my mind that I’m going to still be a feminist, etc. I was shocked at how I felt/was made to feel as I absorbed messages of culture, whether in social situations, through “feminist” books and songs etc. It was a reckoning that’s for sure
Good move, Amber.
Yes, you couldn’t be more concise and apt. Well said.
Truth
I think it’s both. Feminism did so much great, but it just swung a little too far and now it’s out of control.
😂😂 yep it’s easy to take for granted the progress that has been made. And as you said remember that the extremes are a minority, sold to us as the entirety of ‘the other side’ 🙄
Agree, definitely. Media seems to always make things more extreme and polarised.
There's agendas and incentives at play to keep the music playing.
I agree 100%! I’m 70 years old And can’t figure out why young women seem to need to assign themselves and other women into one role or the other! Feminism simply means choices and the legally protected freedom to choose how you want to live your life! Maybe some younger women only see the fairytale and not the reality of how awful it was for women to not have choices legally or socially about how they wanted their lives to be. Before 1972, you could still choose to be on your own, but you had no legal rights or financial independence. If you were married to an abusive person, there was basically no way out! Maybe the problem is that too many young women care what other women say and think about their choices. By the way, you can be liberal and be a stay at home Mom or conservative and be a career oriented Mom. Why do some women still insist upon pigeonholing themselves and others?
So who's to blame?
Literally no one… which is the bigger point you’re missing.
There’s so much talk about agendas and the media and the elite and blah blah blah, but it’s all just about finding someone or something to blame for not making the decisions you want make.
And this is the biggest way the “media” is working… the fact that there’s groups of folks running around the internet and irl looking for someone to blame instead of just doing the thing they wanna do.
So what if a certain type of feminist looks down on you? They’re not coming to your house, throwing you in jail or executing you for it. Just live your freaking life.
According to the left, making yogurt at home is fine, but spending your inherited wealth unapologetically on farting cows and lots of kids is ‘wrong think.’
Choosing God, family, and farm life over Julliard is sinful.
The left is lying to women. Telling them throuples are cool. Don’t worry about having kids in your 20s and 30s, you can wait until you’re 45. You’re safer with a bear than a random man. Your career is the most important thing in your life. Men are toxic.
Ballerina Farm is showing a woman thriving and healthy while dismissing those lies.
If she was impoverished she would not be thriving. Her husband’s family money is what ensures they got to this point and thrived while doing so.
The left isn’t telling people “throuples are cool,” it’s more like “choose your own path” lol
I’m pretty liberal and live in a liberal city. I don’t know any throuples. I don’t know anyone who waited til 45 to have kids. I *chose* to make my career a cornerstone because it’s important to me.
It’s your choice to live how you choose, but stop acting like you know everything about their lives. You’re judging her because she married into money. So what. How they got to where they are isn’t yours to judge.
How is KW’s post judging anyone? She is telling you her perspective, and in a kindly way. Your response is the one judging KW.
Her very first sentence is judgmental and uninformed. She has zero idea how their situation would be today without a jump start. It’s not ours to decide. That’s the point.
Why can’t feminists just be happy that’s she’s happy?
I’m sorry, what? Ask any farmer. It’s a hard life. Stating that is not “judging”.
I’m not talking about the hard life of farmers. I was stating that you have no idea how their life would be if they didn’t have money from the FIL. You are judging because they may - or maybe not - had financial help.
Jumping in here because two of my good friend’s are farmers wives, living trad wives lives in central Illinois. Neither of them are wealthy, but they make it work. I’ve been a stay at home mom for 12 years now, and we also aren’t wealthy but we make it work.
Yes. Exactly.
I don’t believe that “wealth = thriving”.
I didn’t say “wealth=thriving” I said being impoverished would be a harder life
How do you know that for sure? Are you their accountant?
Yes, I absolutely know women who wanted (and got) what Gen Z calls a “soft life” (being a stay at home wife) or choosing to stay home with their kids, at least till school starts. Most of the women in my family did that. Zero judgment from me. It’s not what I want for myself but I don’t want or need to make a choice for other women.
I agree that there is a LOT of judgment in this article. :/
Are you ‘judging’ that there is a lot of ‘judging’ in this article? As women, when a woman shares her own personal experience of abuse I think we can ALL be supportive. In this article, Jessica shared her own experience of the abuse she received from a group of which she formerly belonged. Maybe the abusers in that group do ‘not’ represent you two & only represent a very small percentage of said ‘liberal’’s. BUT again, not judging each other & listening to one another (with the goal of gained understanding) is something we could all aspire. I genuinely appreciate both of your comments and feel more informed. Kindness is the best atmosphere for learning & growing. ✌️
!!!!!!! Yes
Why do women lie to women?
Because they can
Agree with all you stated. Ballerina Farm (Hannah) seems to know who she is, what she wants, and what she values most. I admire that about her. I have followed her and her husband (@hogfathering) for years. It is evident they work incredibly hard for what they have. I admire that about them both. Your whole article was great, but this part was spot on “Hannah's story isn't about regression, it’s about choice. She embodies a version of success not measured by corporate titles, but personal contentment and family harmony that is, at the core, rooted in her faith in God.”….perfect summary!
Glad you enjoyed it Jen! Xx
It was one of your best today Jessica.
This article was spot on! One of the things I’ve found interesting about the whole Ballerina Farm conversation the past couple of weeks has been how nobody seems to acknowledge that she has built a VERY lucrative brand. JetBlue, while maybe an investor initially, does not fund her life. She is doing BOTH. She is a Trad wife, but she is also an Entrepreneur. She is a CEO. She is doing both with Grace and Poise the far Left Feminists who bash her could only dream to possess. Though I suppose they’re not concerned with either in their quest for “Freedom”.
Great story!
THIS! EXACTLY THIS!
JetBlue is funding her life, let’s be real. I respect her choices, but I’m not about to live in some fantasy world.
Many women would love to be SAHM, but without paid parental leave, it is financially impossible. But go ahead, blame the feminists who fight for paid parental leave, the same ones who fight to raise the minimum wage so that parents might be able to work less hours and spend more time with their kids. Oh those nasty feminists!!
As asked above, are you their accountant? Do you speak from a personal knowledge of their finances? Hannah grew up in an entrepreneurial family. Are you so willing to discount her knowledge of business because she’s a woman? Or she married a guy whose dad is rich?
Oh brother, or rather, oh sister. Your accusations of me are silly and ridiculous. But yeah, go ahead, defend BF lady like she’s your best friend.
Meanwhile, you don’t say a peep to support feminists that are fighting for robust paid parental leave here in America. Leave here in the USA is 3 months. In Western Europe, it’s 12 months.
Do you think BF lady is helping ordinary women to have better lives by escaping into her fantasy life? She ain’t.
Deflect deflect deflect. You want to argue apples to oranges. Good grief.
Does she speak about her business a lot?
Her business is her life, so she does talk about it often. They have a little grocery store in their small town & they do boxes of meats, breads, treats that ship out weekly (& they are pricey… but delicious!) — plus the money she’s bringing in from her account.
Truly you would think her ability to have these businesses while keeping up with her homesteading would bring in applause from the feminist… if she had the same businesses while also keeping up with her weekly book club, wine tastings, & ski slope afternoons, she would be celebrated. It’s something about being a mother that really sets off the left
The woke agenda is completely threatened by this, and it shows…
Great post …. The woke are shaking in their boots, we are all sick of this crap it’s time to get back to basics. Do it November our lives are on the line.
Yip totally rips them from their knickers up!
Not particularly.
If she chose this life, good for her. There were some indicators of her husband being quite controlling, and I hope that isn’t the case, for her sake.
I live in an area where there are many female and male “ballerinas.”
They “homestead.” Some are from wealthy families, so don’t worry about money, some are not. It is a very difficult lifestyle, that usually can’t be sustained as they reach an older age. And it doesn’t seem like their children are interested in continuing the lifestyle. In the old days, families would stay on the farm and care for their parents. But very few earn enough money to support themselves in this lifestyle. They depend on having jobs outside their farm. Being able to stay home with your babies is a luxury in this country. I have daughters who have worked nonstop through pregnancy and through raising their children. They work at home and spend a lot of their income on childcare. They earn more than their husbands and cannot afford to stop working. The story about “ballerina” is just another fantasy. Reality is most women have no choice but to just push forward and get as much as they can from life, whatever that may turn out to be!
Which part is fantasy? That anyone can live the life she does? Well, Bill Gates has bought up all the farmland (and Americans don't care why) so yeah, replicating her lifestyle does seem like fantasy.
I would say she shows it vs. Talks about it. Shows you what comes in the meat box once a week, if you are ordering. No links , nothing in caption. You have to look to click all they offer. Sometimes she'll model an apron or shirt coming out. I find it very seamless and not in your face
Such a great article. I’m a trad mom and personally hate when women feel like they HAVE to do more. It’s such a huge roll and so important. I also never put women down for going to work. My sister works and has worked since both of her children were born. I think she’s doing an amazing job too.
I love how you say we can all do something different and not judge or criticize other women for it. I love Ballerina Farm and honestly am amazed at her love for children, family and husband. I love watching her. I also love watching all the amazing women that have their careers.
I think just cheering women on is the most important thing we can do.
Yes yes yes!!
Yes!! Hello we are literally raising the future so why not devote our attention on that if we are capable of doing so!!! Literally, children are the future
The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!!
Love love your approach to celebrating women and our different paths. I left my career in 2020 4 months after the birth of our first child. I climbed the corporate ladder for 12+ years and left in the prime of my career. I have never been more happy or fulfilled than I am now staying at home, looking after our children, my husband, and home.
I too was raised in the era told I need to work and compete with men. The dynamic in our home has changed for the better- as this role feels much more natural to me. It also made me realize I never want to go back to corporate America- but rather pursue a passion project once the kids are a little older. Kudos to you, Jessica, for doing the same! I have enjoyed watching the evolution of your writing and topics!
Thank you ❤️
My story/timeline mirrors yours almost exactly! The quality of life improvement for our home and our kids is remarkable. My husband's career has really taken off since I now manage the kids and house, and I say that proudly, knowing it was my support that made it possible. We work as a team! I'm sure the left would absolutely scream at my "oppression", as they tend to do when you ignore or topple their idols.
That is wonderful to hear you and your family are thriving! Unfortunately the modern day feminists/leftists insist that women “lose themselves” when they choose to stay home for their family. When in fact, it is quite the opposite!
🎯🎯🎯
Don't you love being told what you (as someone who leans left) believes/says/does? I know I do🙄 I applaud your patience with so many on here; I used to post and comment along your lines, but the absolute refusal of so many conservatives to listen and take what I'm saying at face value and instead insist that since I'm liberal no, THEY know what I believe, is too much for me to handle anymore. Thank you for keeping at it though. I mean that❤️
So important to share this reality!
Great article, Jessica -- thank you! I am currently working on a movie about young Norma Jeane Dougherty (aka Marilyn Monroe) and her marriage to her first husband Jim Dougherty, a decent working class man who loved her. Her 4-year marriage to Jim before she was discovered as a model and left him to go to Hollywood is the only period of stability in her entire life. During this time, Norma Jeane was very much a trad wife and homemaker and was looking forward to being a mother. When she became Marilyn Monroe, she erased Jim and that entire part of her life as not serving her new public image as sexy movie star. But in my research, it has become clear that the only time Norma Jeane was actually happy in her life was during her time as a homemaker with Jim. When I bring this up with Marilyn Monroe fans, they become very agitated, and one even said to me yesterday that Marilyn was "too good to be a desperate housewife." Which reveals very ugly stereotypes about trad wives that are prevalent today. The truth is that the Marilyn Monroe they revere died miserable and alone at 36 and is not an example for anyone about how to have a fulfilling life. And the tragedy is that Norma Jeane would have probably been happier and lived a long life had she stayed with Jim and focused on raising children and grandchildren.
Can’t wait to see your movie… sounds so interesting!
Thank you. I will be in production soon -- inshallah!
Well said!
Not trying to knock anything you're saying, I may be wrong or might have misunderstood the info I'm about to share, so forgive me if that is so. However I remember also reading that Norma Jean hardly knew Jim and had married him first and foremost to escape a not so great home life at 17. She did want children, and had a devastating miscarriage when she had been Marilyn for several years already, but she did not have any delusions of a long happy life with Jim. Actually, I know this to be true, seriously I'd like to post a screenshot of an article I read awhile ago where she was describing how bored she was, that they barely spoke etc. but I don't know how. It was on the Today show's site around the end of summer 2022. So I'm sorry if you're pissed I shared that lol
The narrative Marilyn Monroe created about her first marriage when she became famous was PR to preserve her image as a glamorous movie star (being a happy housewife to a sailor didn't fit that image). During her marriage, Norma Jeane wrote many letters about how much she loved Jim. And her own sister Berniece wrote in her memoir that Norma Jeane was deeply in love with Jim and had difficulty moving on after she divorced him to chase fame. Norma Jeane absolutely wanted children and said that often privately. Her public claims in the media were often lies to create an image. Marilyn claimed to have never engaged in the casting couch when in reality she depended on it for her career. She was sleeping with her agent Johnny Hyde and broke up his marriage. She also slept with Joseph Schenck, the chairman of 20th Century Fox, who hooked her up with acting teachers and helped advance her career. Marilyn even claimed her mother was dead to hide the fact that she was in a mental institution. She lied to the press to hide that she had an affair with Arthur Miller while he was still married, claiming they only got together romantically after he divorced (when she was in fact his mistress during Miller's first marriage). Marilyn Monroe was the master of media manipulation. The reason I am doing my movie is to end the PR lie around her first marriage that has been spread for over 70 years.
Truly fascinating! I'd be so interested to watch this.
Looking forward to your movie!!
Thank you! I just wasted a lot of time on Instagram arguing with a crazy Marilyn Monroe fan who insulted Norma Jeane's marriage to Jim because she found it to be against her feminist views. My movie will be attacked by these people -- which is exactly why I need to get it made!
Thank you SO MUCH for this take. I’ve been waiting to see someone unpack the Trad wife conversation from this angle. Feminism, to me, is about the freedom to choose. It’s baffling to me how many self proclaimed women who support women are loudly shaming her for her lifestyle choices (and further, refusing to believe her when she reiterates that this life was in fact her choice- what happened to rallying around women speaking their truth?). As someone left leaning politically, I have to ask: have we gone so far left that we’ve come back around to creating a new rigid rubric for what a modern woman should be?
Come back right Kelly you won’t be disappointed probably make a lot of new friends on the right!
Well stated!
I loved my career but after I had kids I felt trapped by feminist expectations- like I would let the movement down if I chose to stay home with my babies. I’ve never felt more free than when I walked out of my corporate office for the last time. It was the first choice I ever made in my life that wasn’t fueled by ambition or people-pleasing. It was a choice I made because it was a desire of my heart and my family, my health, my marriage are all the better for it.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I'm glad you're happy now and caring for your children and family. My two children are now adults, but I loved raising them. But what feminist said to you, you were letting us down? Not a person I'm willing to bet. It was the *media* and it doesn't matter if the media is liberal or conservative, they want high ratings. So they will polarize topics to get people riled up and fight. I'm 61 years old and I've been a feminist since I was a teenager. I remember when women couldn't have credit cards or a mortgage on their own. I've been married for 41 years, and worked through it all. Part time when the kids were school aged, full time after. My children always came first. (even now) And I've always considered myself a feminist and my son and daughter both consider themselves feminists. All feminism means is equal opportunities and the ability to choose what *we* want to do with our lives. Not be told what we can and can't do. But that's not exciting enough -so the media twists it or only interviews the tiny subset of ultra radical feminists. I'm glad you had the choice to be educated and have a career. You know (if needed) you can support your family. I am equally glad you had the choice to stay home with your children, they are precious. I consider myself an average feminist, which is the majority, and we support your right to choose.
“Believe all women!!!!” Unless they’re saying something you disagree with.
Great article!!
🤣🙌🏻
Exactly. Believe women, but just about that one issue, definitely not on harm from pharma products
You hit all the points here but I really have to push back on the “trad wife” label. To me that label is for the women cosplaying, Hannah is not and she has stated she does not consider herself a “trad wife”. I really hate that term, because anyone living anything similar to that type of lifestyle is immediately lumped into that term. I’ve been involved in a three day comment thread that Evie Magazine posted about this and it’s a dumpster fire. The women coming out swearing that she “has to be coerced” and she is subservient to her husband is just ridiculous. Women who know nothing about her personal life enraged that she would be “made” to choose this life over her career. Women have lost their minds… but I think it’s with a large side of envy they won’t admit to.
I totally agree, Jessica
This is why I never bought into feminism of the 1960s. I am older than dirt now 87 to be exact but I now have a chance to look back at what we were all told to believe in 1960s. I have always been pro-choice even though I myself would not have an abortion but then I went to a conference where one woman stood up and proudly said she had 11 abortions and all the women clapped. I knew then that something was terribly wrong. I adopted two children because I could not have my own and the years I spent with them were some of the happiest of my life. Perhaps this is why, when I am told that women should rule the world and it would be a better place, I'm a little bit more skeptical than most. I have seen what both men and women can do to make the world a Less Pleasant place.
Well you sound cool to me and def not older than dirt!!!! Maybe cooler than dirt!
“Trad wife” sounds like something a jealous and miserable woman came up with. Let’s stick with Homemaker like the good ole days.
Yes using the label trad wife is super annoying and dismissive. I was fortunate enough to not have to work while raising my kids, not sure why it’s considered an insult
Yes, please!
I agree with you. Labels are just absurd all together!! When will we have a label of "Nice, kind Human"?
I understand labels and our need for them. They help us in so many ways and not everyone has time to deconstruct everyone's nuanced beliefs. To me, the problem lays in not being able to leave the box out of fear of being looked at as a 'bad liberal', 'bad republican' etc etc.
From my own personal perspective as a "nobody" with 500 Instagram followers, I don't care for the Trad wife "movement" but I myself am a Trad wife. I'm very traditional in my ways of thinking when it comes to being the one to cook, clean and so on while my husband is at work. Mind you, we don't have kids and we're 37 ( medical uncertainties), but I worked in a very labour intensive physical job for 20 years before my husband one day said, " with all you do at home, you shouldn't be working 8 hours a day and dying for a nap, all to go to bed by 8pm because you have to do the same thing over again to go to work for 4am". He also believes it's not normal for women to work, but the way society has made it harder to live off of one income, now demands it.
But I'll tell you one thing, I LOVE it. Whether I'm a conservative or a liberal ( I'm Canadian) I love the stay at home life. I now have time to sleep in, wake up with my husband, make him coffee and breakfast and his lunch for work, spend time gardening and preserving, prepping dinner, taking care of my animals and having time to myself. Money isn't everything and we make the one income work now. I even made a side hustle slinging sourdough bread and sourdough products. Loving it. Tbh, fuck the corporate ladder. Sounds like more stress and shorter life expectancy to me.
Brava!
Loved every word, but especially how diverse brands of feminism can coexist. I’m tired of seeing “feminists” degrade and tear down other women for making choices that look different than their own. It’s so hypocritical to what they supposedly stand for.
You and me both
Exactly!
Yes! This!
Do not get me started on this 😂 I read a related article about Ballerina Farms on the Cut and the comments were the chefs kiss of intolerance by people who I’m sure consider themselves open minded. One person even made up that this women and her husband probably fled city life out of fear of gay and black ppl lol.
Many others said it was perfectly fine to judge her bc her life choices uphold the patriarchy. It made me ask, do these ladies reserve such judgmental ire for sex workers or those with only fans accounts. I imagine they reserve tolerance for them even though it could definitely be argued that porn stars uphold the patriarchy by, at the very least, perpetuating unrealistic sexual expectations.
What about beautiful actresses, influencers and pop stars? Are they upholding the patriarchy by promoting unrealistic beauty standards?
It just seems like the harsh judgment is reserved for the religious, has lots of kids ladies. You hit the nail on the head by saying it’s bc there’s a presumption of political affiliation. So then I guess the vibe is actually not being accepting of a variety of lifestyle choices. Good to know I guess
I've been following Hannah for years. I watched her go from a mother of 4 to a mother of 8, from 500k followers to 9 million followers. What inspires me the most is her ability to adapt to bringing on so much more, the farm, birthing more children, most of them home births (which she very openly shares) and now the dairy, she has mostly been the same. She and Daniel are the same wholesome people who work harder than I can imagine. It's enviable. Any any success they have they've certainly earned in spades.
Exactly this!! I’ve been following her from the beginning too, and never once has there been a vibe other than grateful and grounded. Sad people have to think ulterior motives whenever they come across happy people.